First, I was told that a wonderful woman of God was rushed to the hospital and a tumor was found. She has already been through cancer twice, and my heart just bled for her. Thankfully, not long after, the news came that it was only a cyst. I just about screamed out, "praise God!" to the entire hair salon. (where I was.) perhaps I should have.
This morning I woke up and realized that my looking for a part time job to help make ends meet has been a complete waste of time. Eddie Bauer has been gracious enough to give me more hours, and I can't even handle those. Four hours of moderately physical labor there and I can do very little for the rest of the day. I had to talk to my manager today and ask that they take back some of the hours they had given me, because I can't physically handle 12 hrs a week. I felt such shame. You would think that after almost 4 years of remission that I would know what I can and can't do, but apparently I don't. I also felt, and feel, very helpless when it comes to our finances. Today we were hit with a huge car repair bill, three times what we can afford. We are, out of necessity, re-examining our adoption plans. How can we add the cost of raising a child as well as the $25,000 loan it will take to get us that child when we can't even keep up with the cost of maintaining a car? It seems our only option may be foster care, which I had hoped to avoid.
As I said in the title, when it rains, it pours, and this week has felt an awful lot like a hurricane. My assurance and hope is that God will get me through no matter what trials may come. He is my rock, my shelter in the storm.