Two days in a row!

My lupron must be wearing off. I'm happy again today! woo!!!!
My next shot is April 10th, so if you want the nice, happy version of me- talk to me before then!

feelin' good

I can hear the birds tweeting. :)

I had energy (and desire!) to do the warm-up from my pilates video and some additional stretching.

My hair is no longer "short." It is now considered "medium" length. :D

This picture makes me happy too. I took it on the dolphin cruise down in Florida. I hope it makes you smile.

feeling guilty

Chris is at the laundromat right now. I didn't go with him, because I was too tired. He told me not to feel bad, but I do. :(

Oh, the irony.

Today I had a MUGA. What's a MUGA you ask? It's a test they do to check your heart function, in my case, to see how well blood is flowing both into and out of the heart. My oncologist (onc.) ordered it because of how quickly I got tired while exercising. She also ordered some blood work.

The MUGA requires an I.V. be put in so they can draw blood, mix it with some radioactive substance, wait 20 minutes, and inject it back in. I don't have very good veins (that's why I had a port,) so I asked that I only be stuck once for both the I.V. and the bloodwork, because I knew if I needed a second stick it would have to go in the hand, and that hurts.

What seemed like a simple request was of course, not. They didn't have the proper equipment in radiology to do the blood work, so they had to call in the I.V. specialists to come in. They said they would be there in 5 minutes. Thirty minutes later they arrived and quickly got to work.

I needed 4 viles of blood drawn as well as 3cc's in a syringe for the MUGA. My vein stopped giving after only 3 viles of blood. They could put liquid in, but couldn't get anything out. So... ironly of ironies, they had to stick me again.

The needle in my hand produced the remaining vile of blood and the 3 cc's needed in the syringe. Sigh... all that waiting and I still got pricked twice! Oh well.

The MUGA itself is pretty boring. They stuck 3 battery top-like things to my torso and hooked me up like they were jump starting a car. Then they moved me to where the two x-ray panels could rotate around me and take pictures of my heart. The panels formed a right angle- I'm guessing that creates a 3-D image, but I really don't know. After 15 minutes of lying still, I was done.

I think the worst part of the whole thing was the reminder that I had cancer. I could taste and smell the saline that they used to flush out my veins, and that will forever remind me of chemo. I had a hospital bracelet on, etc. etc.

The good news is that Chris and I are unexpectedly without a foster kid tonight and we were just given a gift certificate to a nice restaurant. Some good food will help wash this memory away!

oh- and my insomnia is back. GGRRR!!!!!!!!!!

Lookin good :)

I got fitted for a new prosthesis today. Insurance will cover one a year (this one cost over $300.) I just have to make the 20% co-pay, (which my supplimental insurance might cover.)

I'm really excited to have it, because my original one was too small- a combination of my weight gain and the fact that I got it before my swelling was totally gone from the mastectomy. My appearance is now almost perfectly symmetrical, just in time for the summer!

Someone recently asked about the possibility of reconstruction. I actually had hoped to have it done by now, but my skin is still healing from the radiation. If you place your hand on the radiated skin, it feels warmer than just underneath or above it. It's also still a little tan. It's basically like a sunburn that takes a year to heal. Just another reason why I'm always tired! I'll try again in a month or two.

On a different note- this Saturday I went to the Museum of Science with my cousins, Chris, and our foster daughter. We didn't leave until just after noon... because I was in bed until 10. One of my cousins commented that she thought we would have left earlier and I admitted that I wasn't feeling very well. She said, "Why are you so sick all the time?! You need to take your medicine." I replied, "I am taking my medicine. That's why I'm sick!" I then listed off most of the side affects that I have from the lupron and tamoxifen and she said, "Your medicine makes you old." This was not news to me. I haven't felt my age for quite some time now. At least I still look young, complete with perky ta-tas. Ha!

progress

I got up before noon today! (Only by half an hour, but it still counts!)

horray! I'm sick!

So last night about half way through youth group my voice started to go. I was actually happy. I was starting to get concerned about my need to sleep past noon every day; because even though it's normal for me to need to recover after exerting myself, three days was a bit much. My voice going was the first sign that I actually had a virus and not a tumor growing inside me. So horray for sickness! Horray for a reason to sleep, sleep, sleep! woo hoo!

support and sleep

Last night was my monthly support group. It consisted of me, the nurse practitioner who facilitates it, and a guest speaker, who happens to be my former therapist. At first I thought, this is going to be awkward! It wasn't, though. We all laughed together and they told me what they always tell me- that I need to take care of myself; that I deserve a job that pays; that I should get out of foster care. In my mind, I am taking care of myself; the job that I want ususally doesn't pay; and foster care is a means to an end. I was glad I went. I always am.

I knew I pushed myself on vacation, but it always amazes me just how long it takes my body to recover. Yesterday I was in bed until 1pm. Today I was in bed until 2pm. And guess what, I still feel tired! Yes, this is normal.

Today is my lupron shot. I hate lupron. It makes me moody and irritable. It hurts going in, too. The nurse practitioner (NP) told me last night that she had been on lupron for a while. Her friends were so happy when she stopped that they took her out for drinks. (I prefer ice cream- by the way.)

Later- I need to make the most of my few waking hours.

Thoughts from the beach

Yes!
Ahhh....
You are going to have to drag me away from here on Saturday.
These people don't know how lucky they are just to have two boobs.

Ah cancer, it follows you everywhere.

medication and a visit w/Dr. Yoong

This past weekend was the district's Sr. High retreat up at Windsor Hills Camp. Saturday morning I went to take my meds, and couldn't find them. I could feel myself getting more and more anxious as I continued to look and continued to not find my medication.





I figured that I must have left them at home. As I came to grips with my forgetfulness, two things were going through my mind: 1- I'm not going to be able to eat anything, 2- I'm not going to get cancer back because I missed two days of meds. Actually, it was more like I was chanting the second thing over and over again so as to convince myself of it. Because while I know in my head that two days without tamoxifen isn't going to kill me, my insides were acting like it was. (Thankfully, I found the meds later that morning, stuck under some items in my toiletry bag. I didn't realize just how stressed I really was until that big sigh of relief that came along with their discovery.)





Later that afternoon my stress level rose again. This time my emotions got the better of me. Tears were literally flowing down my face and there was nothing I could do to stop them. That was the lupron talking.





I took yesterday to rest and get ready for the snow storm headed my way. I had a check up scheduled with Dr. Yoong at 10am this morning and would have to do the shoveling myself, as Chris was with his father in Florida.





I made it to the clinic half an hour late and they were gracious enough to still see me. Everything looked good and I thought I was going to get out of there with no more than a blood test. Then I asked Dr. Yoong if there was anything I could do about all of the weight gain. I told her I was exercising a little, but I just got so tired I couldn't do much more. When she found out my "little" equaled 10 minutes of low impact exercise, she ordered a heart test- a MUGA to be exact. "You did have chemo," she said, and I know she's right. It's either the adriomycin or the cytoxin that messes with the heart. I had to have a MUGA before they would even give it to me. So, that test is scheduled for March 24th.





The last thing of note, I have discovered that for every one hour I shovel, I need about 2.5 hours of sleep. It's a good thing my cousin will be over later today to finish up. :D

9" officially

with 3" more to come